My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
