Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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