You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
