forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
