between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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