they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
