My hand turned me down
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize