she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
