To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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