I want you more than these girls want KFC
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
