She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
