My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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