what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
