I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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