I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
