carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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