Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize