We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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