Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i've created a new STD.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
