Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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