Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
