That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
