i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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