Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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