Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
