SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize