ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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