I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
