We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
