PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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