watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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