quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
