I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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