So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
