Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
