We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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