Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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