I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
