I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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