Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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