Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
