Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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