I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
