I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
