Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
