Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
