see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
