I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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