we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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