Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
