Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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