i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
