just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
