I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
