I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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