Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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