The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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