You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
