Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
