I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
