i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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