at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
