We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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