The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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