apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
