walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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