So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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