I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
