Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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