On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
