some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
